I have a
love-hate relationship with yoga. I’m definitely on board with relaxing and
getting more flexible, but there are certain.... how shall I say this… concerns
I have. That are actually well grounded and I’ll tell you why. True story:
I’m in yoga
class with my boss, of all people, who happened to be male. At this point in my
life I’m in pretty decent shape, so I figure this is a great time to show off
how talented and flexible I am, which I’m hoping he’ll see as a metaphor for
why I should get a promotion. I work through most of the poses like a mad Yogi
Ninja until we get to Malasana, a squatting pose, also known as “garland pose”.
It looks like this:
Apparently
the purpose of this pose is to open up your hips, thighs, and groin but the
“garland” part still confuses me since( there’s no strings of beads hanging off
my body anywhere.) Now, if you’re a woman, you know damn well what can happen
when you “relax” your groin: first a loud sucking sound happens, followed by a
squelching sound similar to passing gas except THAT’S NOT WHERE IT’S COMING FROM. And in some yoga classes (Bikram, I'm looking at you...) this is not only acceptable but encouraged; however, this was NOT one of those classes. As soon as that squeaker escaped my lady hole, I immediately looked around in confusion and disgust, as if to say, "Who would do such a thing?!" Sadly, my boss was not fooled. And I'm pretty sure no one else was either. And I'm not saying the two incidents are related, but I didn't get the promotion.
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