After McCain's daughter calls Coulter 'offensive,' conservative host calls her fat

WARNING: SERIOUS SWEAR WORDS AHEAD.. not for the kiddies!

So by now I'm going to assume you get that I pretty much despise Ann Coulter. Alot of people do, it's really not that hard to dislike someone who's so desperately invested in the politics of hate. (see previous blog...) I also identify myself as a feminist, which means that while I hate Coulter's supposed "politics" I also acknowledge that fact that she's most likely had to morph herself into the thin, whining shell of self she's become as a vehical to make it in a male dominated space. Sort of pathetic, but I get it. But what REALLY pisses me off is when women attack each other not based on any sort of intellectual sparring, but rather on the same exact misogynist bullshit that we've been trying to (openly) erradicate since 2nd wave feminism. I was reading The Raw Story online when I came across the article referenced in the title of this post. Here's a snippet:

"Meghan McCain's recent criticisms of Ann Coulter as "offensive" and "radical" haven't made her any friends among other female conservative pundits who have by turns criticized her weight and her lack of "fixed ideological principles."
Laura Ingraham mocked McCain's weight and called her "just another valley girl gone awry" on her radio show. Pretending to be McCain, Ingraham said in a faux valley girl voice "Ok, I was really hoping that I was going to get that role in the Real World, but then I realized that, well, they don’t like plus-sized models. They only like the women who look a certain way."

WTF IS THAT? Are you kidding me?? First of all, who the f* is Laura Ingraham anyway? And did she forget that she has a fucking vagina?? Hello you stupid, stupid trite(yes trite, not tight)ass bitch! Here we have a young woman putting herself out there in a very honest and authentic way, making a genuine attempt at intelligent political discourse that serves for ONCE not to alienate young Republicans... and the response is not a thoughtful evaluation of her her ideology but rather a tacit evaluation of her dress size? Again, I say, are you f*ing kidding me??? And the faux valley girl voice about made my head explode. Let's just take a step back and deconstruct the underlying message here. No wait, let's let Mehgan do it for us:

" The question remains: Why, after all this time and all the progress feminists have made, is weight still such an issue? And in Laura’s case, why in the world would a woman raise it? Today, taking shots at a woman’s weight has become one of the last frontiers in socially accepted prejudice."

I rest my case.

Another old one!

I found this article I wrote while I was still married to my daughter's father. It's geared towards two earner families, although in my case I have always been the breadwinner. Enjoy!

Is this what Feminism has gotten me? Seriously?

It’s 3:20 am, and like clockwork, my two year old lets out a howl that could wake the dead. Convinced she’s being eaten by wild tigers, I hurl myself out of bed, full tilt into her bedroom. “Mama’s here….mama’s here…” I say softly.
“Hand…..hand…” I hear plaintively back.
Oh. She just wants to hold my hand.
Of course.
No wild tigers.
5am, and the alarm goes off, and I’m out of bed again, to start my day job. But oops, no shower for me today, my daughter has heard me get up, and is devastated at the thought of my leaving. So I hold her and rock her for another half an hour, until she falls back asleep and the nanny arrives, and I finally have a chance to throw my dirty hair up into a ponytail, slap on some ill-colored makeup and run out the door. Oh wait, I have to get the car seat out and bring it in for the nanny. Now I’m late for work, my daughter has woken up again calling for me, and all I can do is rush out the door so that she doesn’t see me, to go to a job that I don’t particularly like, with people who do not understand what working mommies go through, to earn a paycheck we don’t necessarily need, all because it’s now expected that I go to work.
We’ve come a long way baby.
Now I realize, there are many positive things feminism has brought to the table. In the beginning, we had the right philosophy; it was all about choice. We wanted the choice to either stay home, or go to work. We wanted the same earning potential as our male counterparts. We wanted access to power and status, on equal terms. And while some of those things have been granted, (albeit in limited amounts), the “institutionalizing” of the feminist desire for equality has resulted in less choice, and more expectation.
The good news is that the feminist movement has provided the tools for women to demand change; the bad news is that it forgot to provide an alternate male paradigm. Yes, society has moved forward enough to at least provide lip service to equal opportunity, but if you take a look inside most two earner homes, you’ll still find the exact same division of labor that existed before second wave feminism. Most working women still come home, with groceries in hand, and immediately start managing their homes and children. We do not have the luxury of kicking off our shoes, and tuning into the news to get a little “down time” after a hard day at work. Now, we are expected to do it all. And this false notion of actually being able to do it all carries a very heavy price.
Part of the price we pay is the devalued view of motherhood. Somehow, during the fervor of the contemporary feminist movement, what I call a Cult of Motherhood was created. I’ve seen it on the playgrounds, at mommies groups, at social gatherings. Working mothers think stay at home moms have it so easy, while stay at home moms look at working women like they’re Satan incarnate. Obviously this is a broad generalization; there are plenty on non judgmental mothers out there. But the larger point is that through the many “choices” we are now offered, a backlash against mothering as a whole has emerged. Mothering is no longer seen as sacred, as a spiritual journey with a new being. Working mothers get a whopping 12 weeks off (less in some states) with minimal guaranteed job security, and are expected to bounce right back after birth. My boss thought I was insane when I came back to work after the birth of my daughter; little did I know, I was suffering from post partum anxiety and depression. Not to mention, post partum resentment for having to go back to work at all!
And working in a male dominated field, I was of course expected to put in the same amount of overtime as everyone else on the team. As far as management was concerned, there was no difference between working mothers and working fathers. I think my child would disagree.
There is a new movement now, a kind of answer to the expectation of working women. It’s called “opting out”, and many women are doing it.
Well good for you.
I’m sorry, but this is not a way of reclaiming motherhood, but more of a stop gap solution so that mothers can actually do what they really want: BE A MOTHER! For god’s sake, we actually have a term for staying with our children, the most sacred investment we can make? And how self righteous of our society to force mothers to say “I’m opting out”, as if to justify the “sacrifice” they are making, rather than proudly saying, “I am a mother. This is who I am and what I will do.”
Obviously I don’t hold the feminist movement exclusively responsible for the fact that I am now a working mother. And I also realize that there are a myriad of ways to deconstruct my analysis; I’m a middle-class, white, heterosexual woman, which begs criticism from a splintered women’s movement that I am already privileged enough. That’s partly my point. I don’t need to be part of the most oppressed demographic to say that the feminist movement hasn’t been all its cracked up to be. Am I glad women do have more options today? Of course. Am I glad I don’t have a boss that slaps me on the ass every day? Sure. But did I sign up to be superwoman, to meet the new millennium expectation of doing it all? Hell no! And still, I get out of bed at 5am to go to an uninspiring job, pay $20,000 in childcare so my daughter can miss me all day, and wrack myself with guilt for being away from home, because that is what is expected of me. Until the feminist movement can truly elevate motherhood back to its proper place, as sacred institution, and sincerely embrace a woman’s choice to be with her children, women will continue to be expected to do it all. And eventually, we will burn out.

You just knew this would get political, didn't you?

Hilary Clinton made a splash in today's newspapers when she brought her blunt candor to Asia in her first trip as the Secretary of State. She questioned the efficacy of sanctions against the repressive junta in Burma, spoke openly about a possible succession crisis in North Korea and admitted that she expected to make little progress on human rights in China. Now that pissed off the human rights workers because they feel like she was basically throwing her arms up and saying, "well, I can try but it ain't gonna work!" And guess what? She's probably right. I get that it's important to keep putting pressure on countries who continually violate human rights (wait, didn't our last president sanction torture? but i digress...) but by the same token, I think her straightforward, clear speak may serve to enhance rather than undermine policy.

There's just one problem. While I wholeheartedly support her lack of obfuscation and political jawboning, there's a cultural difference that may not be working in her favor. We already know China is notorious for female infanticide, so her chances of being fully efficacious are already somewhat limited. In addition, David Shambaugh, director of Asian policy studies at George Washington University points out that it's not so much what the subject matter is, it's how it's presented:
"Foreigners generally get much further when they do it in quiet rather than in public, when it is framed in a nonconfrontational way, and explained in terms of being in China's best interests."

So, what do you think? Should Hilary tell it like it is or should she modify her tone based on cultural rules of engagement? Do you think it's more important to tell the naked truth, or to soften it to achieve your objectives? hmmmm....

The Girl Effect

Amazing.

Salma Hayek Shares Her Breast Milk... YAY!!!

"I'm like an alcoholic. It's like, I don't care if I cry, I don't care if I'm fat, I'm just gonna do it for one more week, one more month, and then, when I see how much good it is doing her, I can't stop. It's a very powerful thing you know."
Salma Hayek

The news that Salma Hayek actually (gasp!) breastfed a sick baby in Sierra Leone while visiting in her capacity as UNICEF ambassador has caused quite a stir. Some women responded very positively, seeing her generosity for what it was, while others called her disloyal to her daughter (huh?) or simply said what she did was "so wrong."
But why does America care? It's my belief that we have a pervasive cultural misunderstanding that breastfeeding is somehow a sexual act, and that nursing another woman's child is akin to cheating on a lover. THis is a massive mistake and a huge disservice to babies. Interestingly, in many African cultures, it is not just a nice thing to do, it's expected -- although it's mostly within families. Anybody who is able to lactate and who does not feed a crying child is considered not doing the right thing. How different from our perspective! We seem to forget that nursing is within the natural order, we're literally built for it. And, our foremothers certainly employed the help of wet nurses if they were unable to produce enough for their babies.
So the question is, if you had the opportunity and the means, would you offer your milk to a starving baby? I would in a NY minute!

And now, why I HATE this woman

Ahhh yes, the always lovely and engaging Ann Coulter. For those of you out there who may have been blissfully sheltered from this screaming sea hag, here's a little info on some of the more, uh, slanderous things she's uttered. Oh wait! everything this woman says is slanderous!!

Just to give you an idea, here's the catchy headline from a recent news story:

Ann Coulter Blames Single Moms for Rape, Murder

Wow, how awesome is that for us single working mamas? But wait, there's more:

Coulter was promoting her newest book, "Guilty: Liberal "Victims" and Their Assault on America," when, during an interview with Matt Lauer, she blamed the majority of society's ills on single mothers. She claims that the "liberal media" exalts the single mom, despite the fact that -- her words, not mine -- most teenage mothers, runaways, murderers and rapists can be traced back to them. Later in her visit she told Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb that 9/11 widows "advance" socially and financially using their "victimhood as a shield."I happened to catch the interview as it aired, and watched as Coulter crossed and uncrossed her boot-clad calves and tossed the blond mane that makes her the Hottie of Hotheads. As I watched her lean forward and raise one eyebrow all the while blaming women -- her own gender -- for the downfall of society, I wondered just what could motivate such a viperous display of bile. Is she just saying these things to stir up publicity for her ridiculous tome, or is it a case of Histrionic Personality Disorder? I mean, what kind of person do you have to be to make Kathie Lee Gifford look totally disgusted? Or hey, maybe she has one of those satanic single moms. That might explain the whole thing.I have to hand it to her. If she was looking to cause outrage, she did a good job.

What NOT to do after a divorce

Or, how to BE like Demi, Ashton, and Bruce.

Your marriage is breaking up. You're in shock, you see the life you thought you would have disintigrate in front of your eyes, and you feel like you haven't been loved in years. You're left reeling, wondering what you could have done differently, how this will impact the kids, and then all the logistics of who gets what, including which friends you keep. I know. I've been there. It sucks ass.

And this, my dear fabulous women, is exactly the time you are most vulnerable, and most likely to make the fatal mistake of rebounding. I want you to stop right now and listen: DO NOT REBOUND!!! And again, I tell you this from experience. By the time I'd worked up the courage to get a divorce from my daughter's father, it had been a good three years of a loveless marriage. I had no idea this would ever happen to me, and I took all the precautions I could to ensure that this was the right lifelong partner for me. I was very upfront about who I am; he and I were best friends for over a year before we even started dating, at HIS insistance by the way, we even lived together against my better judgement because he said he wanted to be sure we could actually cohabitate together. I was clear about wanting children, and he agreed that "someday" he would want them too. My point is that even if you take all the right precautions, follow all the right "steps", you can still get blindsided.

So where does this leave you? lonely, that's where. In order to mitigate the rebound phenom, I've put together a short list of questions you need to ask to know if you're about to enter into an authentic relationship.

First and foremost, for me anyway: Do you have a 401K plan? seriously! i mean, hell, I've got a plan for the future and I'm not willing to support anyone else besides my child. So why the hell would I hook up with someone who hasn't bothered to care about planning?

2. If said potential partner has a child or children, observe very closely their relationship. Is it good? Does he call them often, keep in touch? Is he civil to his baby mama, especially in front of the kids? Does he pay child support or is he in arrears? (a sneaky way to find out about child support: propose a trip to Canada, or anywhere else he might need a passport. If he doesn't have one, and he applies and gets denied, it's probably because he's in arrears. That's how i found out. Nice, eh? ) Honestly ladies, if he can't take care of his own, how the hell do you expect him to take care of YOURS?

3. Back to the bank account: soooo, any weirdness with taxes? Again, I had to find this out the hard way. I was so swept off my feet by this "knight in shining armor" I didn't even bother to look at his financial history. Ask him about past jobs, look him up on Linked In, Google him, find him on my space or facebook... in my case, my rebound man explained his many business failures as "unfair"... and that he was "just started to get some success when ...." a layoff, downsize, whatever. A BIG red flag for the 35 plus crowd: has he ever owned a house? Seriously, if not, you might want to catagorize that one as a red flag.

4. Does he include your baby daddy, or try to push him away? Now not all of us are as lucky as I am, to have a baby daddy that I get along with very well now. As mothers, of course we want the perfect childhood for our children, so by the time we're done berating ourselves for getting out of a miserable marriage, of course we try to make it as pallatable for the children as possible. Does rebound boy support this? If not, tell him to fuck off fast. Seriously. You should have a ZERO tolerance approach for anyone who A. tells you how to parent or criticizes your parenting, or B. tells you how to manage your relationship with your ex, or C. does not support having blended celebrations with your baby daddy. You need to tell rebound boy to grow the hell up and get over it. Reference Demi, Ashton and Bruce. Really. LOVE them!